He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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