I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
