last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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