We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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