The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
