I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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