Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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