I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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