I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
