just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This is my gift to your gina
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
