dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize