And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.