His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize