ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!