you suck at this game today
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.