i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.