some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.