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i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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