I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."