i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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