please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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