69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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