Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
