I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
