it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
