someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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