i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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