I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
