I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
