Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
