Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
