Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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