If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
