All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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