How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
