just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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