I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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