saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
