life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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