I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
