Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
