woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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