You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
