So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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