i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Small penises have feelings too.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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