Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
