took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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