he puts the penis in happiness.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
