Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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