I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize