I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
