At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
