She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
