Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
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my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat