CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM