Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.