Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand