I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he fucked my hip out of place.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
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ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself