I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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