Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
