she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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