if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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