there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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