4 words: hood of his car
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
