He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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