I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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