i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Terrible idea I love it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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