Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
