making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
