Yo dont text me then not text me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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