She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
