What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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