I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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